My life in words

Updates you say?

2011-06-22T23:53:00.001+08:00

http://www.facebook.com/note.php?saved&&note_id=10150502546615300

I've been updating this for a while. Just can't be bothered having to sign in here everytime. Until I can be, it's all there.

Of blogs, life, and life.

2011-04-06T16:24:00.003+08:00

It's been a while, I know. I've been so happy recently until I've totally forgone the need for this space to rant; talk; tell. Perhaps I should start again soon! Even though i'm perfectly happy and all smiles. Maybe I should use this space for happy stuff.

When the heart shines it's smiles,
Reminiscent of a sun that glows for miles,

Cracks will then be sealed and mended with the coming of bliss,

But time passes by akin to them gonzolas on the waterways of Venice;

And so shall this.

Stop. Stare.

2010-10-17T02:18:00.013+08:00

I've sat through one, smiled through another. I don't know how i'll take it if once more it comes along. Will you realise? Will the laughter hide the little malicious tendencies that lie dormant? I think about it watching the sun rise from the east; I try to smile about it but I can't. No one likes sitting silent like nothing's going on, but perhaps it'll be for the best eventually. I don't know whether I sit here waiting for it to die out or for one to realise, and I grow tired. The inside fractures just that little more.

Baby, please don’t take his hand
Coz you should be my lady
I’ve been waiting for you for so long
Please look at me now

Taeyang - Wedding Dress

What's it going to be, living for the past, or smiling in the present?

2010-08-05T02:18:00.002+08:00

You guys might never see, or hear this, but you're all I have right now. You make it all worth it.

I'm torn to do what I have to.

2010-08-02T00:58:00.002+08:00

And i'm tired, of being all alone- and this solitary moment makes me want to come home-

Friend or FRIEND?

2010-07-31T01:49:00.001+08:00

Why does it always feel like i'm dying on the inside, when there's no one to share the little things in life with?

Hi world.

2010-07-12T23:43:00.001+08:00

When it's the world banging down your front door, do you go against the world, or let it step all over you and have it's way? For the first time this year, things haven't been going my way, at all. Frankly speaking, i'm pissed.

But eh, won't get anywhere if I keep ranting. Tomorrow, will be a better day.

This too, will come to pass.

Beautiful girl.

2010-07-05T03:30:00.001+08:00

When I put everything on the line for you, I hope you realize you love me too.

New Me.

2010-06-08T02:44:00.002+08:00

Life is a mystery; a huge puzzle of random incidents, occurrences, opportunity, and chance. I've just turned 20, and I realise that there's so much of myself that i've already left behind. I've changed. I feel sad about it, suprisingly. And yet, there's still so much that's yet to be discovered. It's a fine line that we tread, about being who we really are. Is there really an identity that we possess? It seems to be ever-changing, this whirlwind mass of.. ourselves. What do we really hope to achieve in living out our lives? Whatever it is, what I am today, is definitely not the real picture. There's love to discover, success to achieve, people to meet, things to experience. I feel I worry too much sometimes, and I could go on and on and on about it, but I won't. I want it to change, to be interesting, and that was probably the real birthday wish that I could have wished for, upon turning 20. It's too much to ask for though, and we all have to start somewhere. After all, we do get one wish a year, and there enters the birthday wish for the grand ending of my teenage life. I'm not going to tell you that though, it wouldn't be a wish otherwise. :). Goodnight, world.

Today, I realised that if I did really have the power to manipulate time, i'm not so sure that I would turn back time to an earlier point in my life anymore, like what I always used to hope for. This is the turning point in my life, as I probably would return it to God.

Shoutout.

2010-05-17T18:40:00.003+08:00

The past 3 months have been happy months, very happy indeed. I've met awesome friends whom I can enjoy and live life with in Sydney, and even though we aren't that close, yet, i'm happy to have made friends like them/found friends like them again. I'm looking forward to Sydney life now. Thank you, my friends, for showing me the light here.

Lishan, Sueann, Kevin, Brian, Mel, Ken, Charms, Rhuvern, Manda, Kin, Khinyew, Nabs, JJ.

Boo.

2010-05-11T23:58:00.002+08:00

I find girlfriends, who cling on to their boyfriends 24/7, behaving oversweet, needing to say 'ily' every 5 seconds, such a turnoff. I saw a couple like that today, for the first time in a while. Also, notice how I wrote 'ily' instead of I love you. Using it so often devours the very essence of the word, and before you know it, it becomes a common word; one used in everyday life- meaningless. It just becomes a word that isn't special. Same thing goes for sex, if you needed a stronger example. Stuff like this needs to be special; something that's meant to be shared between two people, not done as a everyday thing of life. Otherwise, you might as well have been a dog on the street, with actions guided by pure instinct. It irks me, really. Sue me for being a romantic.

Don't worry, I still love you, friends :P.

I've always not posted it on my blog in case it would provoke controversy with certain parties, but I guess I took a leaf out of Sasha's book. Who cares what the world perceives of you, if you really stick to your beliefs?

That aside, me and Kin are working on something p-retty awesome. You'll see, when the time comes- on facebook!

Me, you, the sun and the moon.

Time flies.

2010-04-26T21:20:00.002+08:00

When I close my eyes in the dead of the night, I close them knowing that tomorrow'll be a new day; a new start; a new beginning. Problems churn and clash around life like the tides crashing on the cliffs, while Bliss comes with the sea; just like every wave has a crest and a trough. Happiness exists everywhere, you just have to learn to see it to grasp it with both hands. However, every path littered with it has it's own set of obstacles. Try for it; work for it, it's almost always worth the effort in the end. The weak aren't the ones that fail, they are simply the ones who do not try.

Hold on to your words, talk is cheap.

Back to school!

2010-04-15T13:29:00.010+08:00

Easter's over! It's back to grinding and mugging the books once again. JUST GET ON WITH IT! I'm just going to post random pictures, in no set chronological order, of stuff that happened over Easter. It's far from everything, so if it's not enough for you, go add Charmaine on facebook! :P. Stuff's ripped from my camera, Qingyang's camera, and Charm's facebook album. I need more pictures with Mel, Manda and Brian :(.

Thinker pose..

Glutton! Qingyang's first day here.

Qingyang the chinese tourist. LOLOLOL.

Sueann! After watching Clash of the Titans in 3D.

Chilling at Darling Harbour.

Harboursideeeeeee.

Sending Darrel off at the airport on Tuesday. He said it looks like i'm flying off, not him. LOL.

With the turd and Qingyang in front of QVB, George St. Yeah that's not QVB, it was behind Charmaine. LOL.

Drinking party as Darrel's farewell in Mel's apartment!

Mun @ Karaoke.

Charms @ Karaoke.

.

Physics.
Courtyard in front of Mechanical Engineering at night.

.

Shot by Qingyang at my window.

Daidi session?!

Until next time!

At this point in time, life only gets better for me, friends!

My friend.

2010-04-10T10:11:00.004+08:00

Despite all that's happened to us, you remain my best friend.

No matter whatever problems come between us, you remain my best friend.

Wherever we see each other, you remain my best friend.

However heavy the burden is, you remain my best friend.

Although you've hurt me from time to time, you remain my best friend.

Through deep wounds and surface scratches, you remain my best friend.

I don't care if you've beat me up proper, you remain my best friend.

Whatever you decide to do in life, you remain my best friend.

Whoever you've chosen for this moment in time, you remain my best friend.

Whichever occasion that I choose to hit you in the face, you remain my best friend.

There's nobody else who's cried out for me before, let alone that much, hence, you are my best friend, you remain my best friend, you'll always be my best friend. You'll probably only get to read this once it's all said and done, and call me gay for it, but I need a strong resolve, and i'll only get it this time, with your support, none other.

Now, it's time to wake you up for lunch.

..

Turd. >_>

A 'normal' morning.

2010-04-02T16:57:00.016+08:00

I'll be dedicating this post to you, mum. Love you.

Every morning, I wake up, make my bed.

Then I check facebook, email, and any planning notes i've left for myself at my desk (notice how facebook comes first ^^).

Then I pick something I feel like wearing (colour-wise, most that I have are polo T-shirts).

After getting ready, I walk out into the corridor..

.. to the toilet to wash up and refresh myself!

I walk to the kitchen, passing my living room on the way..

.. and get to the fridge to pick out something to make for my breakfast.

I then sit down at the table and prepare my food, i've chosen to boil some dumplings and tortelli.

While they're boiling, I walk out to the second balcony to enjoy one of the views that i'm pretty privileged to have. Also the same view I get from my room window. The back part of the racecourse..

The common room(white building in the center)..

Upper campus in the distance.. I hate the walk uphill to get there.

The Quadrangle Lawn (Quad for short). One of the favorite hangout places for students at uni, in between classes. I can see the clocktower that's at the lawn. P.S. You can't see the lawn, but you know it's there cause of the tower in the middle.

It's been a while, so I go back to check on my dumplings at the stove.

They don't seem too ready yet, so I drag my legs over to the main balcony..

.. and scan the view, from left to right. Part of the lower campus!

Apartments opposite mine..

The courtyard below..

More apartments..

The lovely view of the racecourse!

I can see Centrepoint in the middle, and the Harbour Bridge on the right!

Dumplings are ready, better get back to my desk to eat and prepare for the day ahead.

How I organise my desk..

I guess I kinda like my place, wouldn't you think so? Heh. Story's fictional.

A story of deprived guys watching their happy friend in love.

2010-03-25T16:19:00.001+08:00

A perspective of life from behind glass walls.

2010-03-23T13:12:00.006+08:00

Hello, friends. I hope you're all doing fine. Life has finished with it's tantrum, and we once again co-exist in peace and harmony. I've had much to do lately, so much in fact, that I really shouldn't be having the time to write and upload. But then again, i'm Alvin.

Updates regarding my new place and Australia soon!

By the way, have I told you I just love KLIA's Golden Lounge?

From sunset, to sunrise.

It's like sinking into the abyss to battle with your own shadows, fears and insecurities..

Struggling in vain, flailing helplessly..

Grab your chance once you catch a glimpse of the light at the end of the tunnel, else you fade away, into nothingness; into deep peaceful slumber.

Champion, my friend is.

2010-03-09T16:00:00.000+08:00

xxxxxxxxx@hotmail.com said (3:37 PM):
lollll ^_^
check out this bro~ very funny
Do you know what the bra siza stands for?
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N

A—Airport　　
B—Barelythere　　
C—Cando
D—Damn good　　
E—Ecstasy　　
F—Fake　-_-!
G—God!　　
H—Horrible @@
I—I can’t believe it!　　
J—Joke？
K—Kidding！
L—Laaaaaaaaaarge!!!
M—Monster 　　
N—Nothing like that

Where'd the cannons go?

2010-02-22T19:31:00.002+08:00

It's been a while since I've sat in a place so quiet, peaceful, isolated, AND COMPLETELY SWAMPED WITH MOSQUITOES. But yeah. Even though I call these mosquitoes friends, and share a room with them, it still does not detract from the pure silence that this room is. The fan's off, and I hear buzzing in my ears. FML. Where are the roommates, god damn!

I'll upload stuff later, from Golden Lounge to Taxi Stand.

Did you know, that Afghanistan can be rearranged to be fags in tanah?!

2010-02-21T01:41:00.000+08:00

Phobic.

Symptoms of my anxiety #1.

2010-02-18T06:59:00.001+08:00

I'm sitting at the 'mamak' stall at centrepoint at 630am, sipping some black coffee, whilst savouring the crisp morning air and the buzz of people going about their business to begin the day: a typical malaysian morning, one might call it. I'm doing this because i know i'm going to miss it dearly in a week's time. A week ago i had friends sitting here with me. How things change.

I could go on and on, but i'll choose to enjoy this beautiful morning. So what's the first symptom? Well, it's this entry.

The days are numbered, friends.

Praying

2010-02-16T04:07:00.003+08:00

that Danil and Darrel didn't die on the planes to Langkawi and Melbourne respectively. Hope to see you guys around :x

Whataya Want From Me - Adam Lambert

2010-02-15T15:57:00.003+08:00

Hey, slow it down whataya want from me
Whataya want from me
Yeah I'm afraid whataya want from me
Whataya want from me

There might have been a time
When I would give myself away
Oooh once upon a time I didn't give a damn
But now, here we are so whataya want from me
Whataya want from me

Just don't give up I'm workin it out
Please don't give in, I won't let you down
It messed me up, need a second to breathe
Just keep coming around
Hey, whataya want from me
Whataya want from me
Whataya want from me

Yeah, it's plain to see (plain to see)
that baby you're beautiful
And there's nothing wrong with you
(nothing wrong with you)
It's me, I'm a freak (yeah)
but thanks for lovin' me
Cause you're doing it perfectly
(it perfectly)

There might have been a time
When I would let you slip away
I wouldn't even try
But I think you could save my life

Just don't give up I'm workin' it out
Please don't give in, I won't let you down
It messed me up, need a second to breathe
Just keep comin around
Hey, whataya want from me (Whataya want from me)
Whataya want from me (Whataya want from me)

Just don't give up on me
(uuuuuuh) I won't let you down
No, I won't let you down

(So I) just don't give up
I'm workin it out
Please don't give in,
I won't let you down
It messed me up (It messed me up)
Need a second to breathe
Just keep coming around
Hey, whataya want from me

Just don't give up I'm workin' it out
Please don't give in, i won't let you down
It messed me up, need a second to breathe
Just keep coming around
Hey, whataya want from me (whataya want from me)
whataya want from me (whataya want from me)
whataya want from me

I'm going to try to keep it short throughout the year.

V-day incoming!

2010-02-13T02:52:00.005+08:00

The day for lovers. Mmm.

FML.

I keep saying year after year to find someone to spoil.. But I always end up sitting at the computer and doing nothing. I actually asked Ryan to introduce me to someone who's available. But then I reconsidered and told myself I'd never sink that low, to his and Danil's level. (LOLOLOLOL I KID FRIENDS.)

But in all truth, I do seek something within the people I consider, nowadays. I just believe that generally, people of a certain age probably have not achieved such a mindset due to maturity. That having been said however, there are the few exceptions whom I know of. They're probably all taken anyway :(. I find myself finally being able to let go of certain things nowadays too, and maybe, just maybe, i'm finally getting my sense of freedom back.

Toodles with huggles! Or good-bye. Whatever you wanna call it,

FRIENDS

Like weights taken off my chest.

2010-02-11T21:44:00.002+08:00

It feels good to be honest about something you've been afraid of disclosing for a while- You say it out, and you feel like a free person once again. Thanks Zet! :D

All them small little things in life, I never want to let go.

2010-02-04T03:52:00.009+08:00

W00t! Yisan gave me new emotes, friends! I HEART you muchos. I'll be like, all cool and shit using custom emotes on msn yoz!

. . .

Nah, maybe not. But it still is pretty cool! Anyway. I'm stuck with not being able to sleep. I taichi-ed my sleeping technique to Sueann earlier in the night, now i'm fkt with sleep.. I'll probably end up on the couch again.

.. "D: You should take a break from work! Finishing soon right! Try closing your eyes and stare into your eyelids and find shapes in them while relaxing your body :D." ..

I really don't know how I came up with that. FML. I need to get into the regular habit of using a camera, too. Then I can come just that bit closer to showing you readers my world, through my eyes. I've actually started using the camera. I'm just lazy to upload them.

I've been thinking, I was pretty sure that everyone has something, that's like a signature to themselves. Just like, well, random examples. Darryl is.. himself, Nic has chocolates, Ryan has his Word Rearrangement Theorem, and Darrel has STDs (I joke, friend). Then I thought, i'm pretty damned sure, I don't have anything like that. Maybe it's something only seen by someone that's not you. All these small little things, maybe it's exactly them that makes you, truly you. Can you think of anything that you associate with me first off? Even if you don't know me that well, just work with what you have! Drop a line on the chatbox if you think you do! Let me know what it is, FRIENDS!

They should have like, Sleeping 1011 at Uni or something, fml.

Yuh. I cutttttttt.

2010-01-21T17:28:00.002+08:00

Pretty cool show.

2010-01-19T00:22:00.003+08:00

No.

2010-01-18T02:33:00.004+08:00

Yeah. No. Go suck a dick, hang yourself from the ceiling fan at speed 5, break a leg, whatever. I don't care anymore. Thanks for caring so far, but no thanks. Please, get the fuck outta my life.

Hey friends, i'm frustrated!

2010-01-11T03:04:00.003+08:00

So, this is Kimberly, me lub her long time! Excuse the bedhead, friends.

The end . . .

. . . of the post if you're familiar with my rants, and are sick of them as always, and also if you can't take profanity.

Yeah, I knew you'd skip the profanity thing without giving a second thought, i've blacked out the foul paragraph. Hi mum.

So. I've gotten a place to stay, paid my deposits, settled my plane ticket, repaired the computer, nursed myself into good spirits, i'm ready for uni! (Still working on it actually.) Now someone mails me, and tells me that I STILL can't get my subjects done up for next year, because of some faggot-thing called "Academic Standing". Seriously, someone told me to find my true motivation to study, I think i've found it, the drive to get a good "faggot-thing" so my subject selection doesn't get delayed every damn fucking semester! It's going to be a damn fucking month that i've spoken to them about it, within the next few days, and I sure as fucking hell don't want to have been paying my deposits and rent for bull-fucking-shit-nothing. I wonder if these bastards do have any organisation at all, because that's my fucking time and money you're wasting. I can't plan ahead of time, because I don't even know if i'm going to get the chance to go back there. Fuck me.

I'm cutting this post short, I want to sleep. >_>;

Resolution #0.

2010-01-09T17:24:00.002+08:00

0) Quit gaming as a whole by December.

Darrel does a ryan.

2010-01-05T15:39:00.002+08:00

Pangsai pun boh eng!
And the tantrum right after.

I hate to steal the thunder of my awesome resolution post . . .

2010-01-02T01:02:00.000+08:00

. . . but Melody's blog, is just so damn awesome. It's in the links!

Hey friends!

2010-01-01T02:18:00.005+08:00

A new year is upon us! This past year has been filled with more ups and downs than ever before, seems never-ending, doesn't it! Life is such though, and what befalls us, is more often than not, the consequence of our own doing. I'm still trying not to moan too much though!

We grow and learn as every year passes; so do our goals and aims in life. What have you guys got planned for this year? I read U-jin's facebook list of resolutions, thought i'd make one myself for shits and giggles. So here we go, counting down from 10!

10) Socialize more with friends.
9) Maintain an acceptable, neat hairdo throughout the year.
8) Plan and stick to a set study schedule.
7) Call Mum on Skype more.
6) Get to 80kg in weight at the very least.
5) Find someone whom I can share my life with.
4) Dump active gaming as a past-time.
3) Join the Malaysian Society and be an active member.
2) Pass all my subjects with a Distinction minimum.
1) Discover my inner desires, the source that will provide a sense of purpose to both my student and personal life, the one that will shape me for who I am going to be.

Sounds like hell of a lot to do. I'm not sure if I can manage all that, actually. But fuck it, i'm giving it a good go. I tag you, dear reader, with the list of 10 resolutions :P.

Happy 2010! Whatever we do, lets not fall out of touch, ever.

Just about sums it all up.

2009-12-28T02:26:00.001+08:00

The Pretender.

2009-12-02T01:27:00.005+08:00

You know, i've been thinking for a while about this, I still haven't found the answer to it. When was the last time I seriously studied? I don't think it has been this year. Let's reflect a little.

HSC, Year 12? That doesn't sound right, I recall emotional issues that I failed to handle properly myself, due to my negligence to accept facts and cold hard truth.

PMR, Secondary 3? That isn't it either, I was stuffing around the whole god damned year with DotA?

UPSR, Primary 6? It was just tuition. Intensive tuition schedules, where me and 4 friends would just chat with each other, enjoy company and get our work done in an efficient manner.

PTS, Primary 3? Who studies for that? I wasn't too keen on jumping a grade myself, so I just finished it and went to Primary 4.

It's shocking for myself. I've realized that I haven't actually studied with a serious intent for the 19 years of my life. What do I do when people study? I play computer games, do sport, watch TV, all that kind of stuff. I also realize that I probably don't deserve to be in University. Remember those delinquents in your class back in the day? Do you remember how even they were bringing revision books and notes around with them several weeks before an exam? I had my books and notes too. But I still would feel embarrassed and guilty whenever I saw such a situation. Why did I have those books and notes in my hand, at those times? Was I trying to fit in with the crowd? Was I, trying to make me, feel better about myself? Was I doing it, so I could dodge a question by a friend by saying 'I'm busy'? Well, I sure as hell can tell you, I sure as hell didn't bring them there to study them.

Dear reader, do you see that blue little box over there on the left of your screen, with comments by random kind souls around the globe? Please, use it to enlighten me, to what it is, to truly study. Do you pick up a book, and read it, hoping you'll remember stuff? Do you write down stuff that you think is important while reading it? Do you then refer to these little notes you've made, and try to do exercises and questions? These are the little recollections that I have since primary school, throughout to high school, of what people have told me to do. I haven't tried them, have you? Do they work? I hear people say, the method that is most effective, changes from person to person. Is this truth? Or is it, just some random excuse that a guy or girl came up with to cover up their inability? Sounds close to what i've been doing.

I have never, ever made an effort to correct what i've been doing. That is the undeniable truth, I admit it. I somehow thought i'd be able to make it through by just doing the same thing over and over again. Clearly, this is not the case. Did I think I was above the system and order that the world goes by? If you don't work hard, you don't get shit.

Mum told me, that it's okay, that she can support me financially, and that I shouldn't worry about it. Does she know this side of me? Does she suspect me? Do I, justify her sacrifices and pains? I don't think I do. This is slack. This is pitiful. This is a disgrace. This is disgusting, revolting even. This IS the epitome of deceit and foul trickery, for I have done nothing all my life but pretend that I have.

I write here today, dear reader, confessing my sins of the past, in search for desperately needed salvation and enlightenment. I write here today, so that you know the kind of person that I am, so that you may ridicule and taunt me for my pretending. If you are my friend, I write here today, so you may do me a favor, which is to never let me forget the feeling of shame, guilt, and despair- all mixed together, released when the mask crumbles to dust, and all is exposed. I do not seek pity, nor do I seek consolation, it's just a part of myself that I want to embrace, accept, and hopefully drop, for good.

So. I failed all my subjects.

Hurt.

2009-11-03T06:35:00.002+08:00

It's times like these where I feel like i'm living life in a dumpster; where self-esteem and belief in my own value, goes right down the gutter. I hate it.

But what can I do?

Meeeeeep.

2009-10-29T11:45:00.002+08:00

Privatised for the time being! I've been feeling estranged recently.. :). Guess not everything always works out well

2 weeks 2 days, maaaaalalalala~

2009-10-27T15:46:00.002+08:00

Just finished moving out of my place, now I have 2 days to finish the final reports for Biotech. FML! But add 2 weeks on top of that, and I can see home once again~

Too bad so few people are going to be home :(

Between you and me, this is as far as we go; The invisible barrier; The irreparable damage.

2009-10-20T01:22:00.001+08:00

Mearrrrrgh, I can't find a place to stay for next year!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DANIL!

亲爱的，放手吧；放开所有-

2009-09-17T03:40:00.003+08:00

There was this period of time in our lives, we were close as ever; There was this period of time in our lives, we were distant as ever. Hurtling back and forth between them two extremes, there however, always seemed to exist a void between you and I.

During times like that, I wondered if I ever was someone significant to you. I wanted to be the person you turn to and vent your frustration on after a bad day; the person who's shoulder you could always use when in distress; the person you first think of telling when you've had something good happen to you. It didn't get me anywhere- who am I to you now?

As the spotlight slowly moves up our intertwining threads of fate, exposing more of it to the eager audience, despair can only be felt. These threads are straying their furthest yet.

What will your eyes see that mine cannot? What will your ears listen to that mine cannot? What will your body feel that mine cannot? The early morning breezes seem to carry your whispers with them. I remember all these things you've said to me, your encouragement, your reassurances. I wish I could be a significant part of your life.

I've always wanted to ask you, did you like the layout? I like it.

"You're always in my mind, but when all is beautiful, you're all I think about. I can capture the moment, but I just wish that you were here- I love you."

To feel miserable like this.. It's really one-of-a-kind.

. . just letting the cool evening breeze wash over, attuning oneself to nature . .

2009-08-30T19:23:00.002+08:00

I hate feeling lost... Almost as if your world is rejecting your very being. All feeling of familiarity dissolves to nothingness, like ashes into the ocean- Everything feels so foreign.

I stare down at my fingers tapping away at the keys; when did my nails grow so long? All these bags i've been carrying to this house, why? All my little little possessions in an unknown land- where did they come from..?

Ah.

Home. Wait for me..

If there weren't any cloudy days, none of our days would ever be sunny would it?

2009-08-15T15:37:00.004+08:00

Hey. You're..?

..

Yep, i'm Alvin, nice to meet you.

..

What's the date today? I forgot..!

..

See you tomorrow!

..

Yeah sure, take this one, it's still working.

..

What're you smiling at huh?

..

Not asleep yet?

..

D-oh.

..

Ehhh?! How do I owe you?!

..

Come earlier tomorrow, we'll go get lunch.

..

Can I copy your homework please..!

..

Yeah yeah, hurry up.

..

Food thief.

..

You cold?

..

Wow, that looks really good on you.

..

What are you talking about? I never said those things about you!

..

Who's song? I wanna hear too!

..

Thanks for the wish. I hope it'll be a great day!

..

I failed.

..

But that's so far away!

..

Damn it, i'm sorry, i'm really, really sorry.

..

Uh-huh, learnt that from you.

..

Gonna be busy tomorrow.

..

Just fly back faster.

..

You like sushi too?

..

I really do..

..............................

Your voice calls out, loud and clear in my ears as if you were right beside me yourself. Ghosts of past conversations arise from their graveyard, known to us as 'Memory'. They are not forgotten; they never will, be forgotten.

I can't help but smile to the bright blue sky peppered with white specks, as now I know, that i'll live through this one Winter just fine.

Good Morning.

2009-07-23T01:22:00.003+08:00

Tired. Sleepy. Imagery. Hallucination- You just keep messing me up over and over. But strangely enough, I don't dislike it.

You can screw with my mind time and time again, I won't tell you. I'll still smile and greet you at the shops like the friend I am in your eyes. You'd be worried if I did otherwise.

At the end of the day, our happiness shall still be sustained.

As long as it's your smile that's reflected through the mirror in my eyes, insignificance embraces all else around me.

Dreaming of dreams.

2009-07-19T03:07:00.002+08:00

Those visions of yesteryear, come back to haunt me in reality, again and again. The feeling of displacement and déja vu blur the lines separating my thoughts and reality. It draws parallels with paranoia. It grins, cackles, and mocks me from the walls, the ceilings. It drove me almost to the point of insanity.

.. Drove.

.. Almost.

I'm alive. All goes well. Like awaking from a nightmare to the comfort of home, I realise my five lights in the darkness were, just right beside me all along.

I just had to open my eyes.

Moooooooooo.

2009-07-17T16:48:00.002+08:00

Apparently a plane flight is a form of emo-inducing treatment for me. I guess having 'Never say never' on repeat didn't help either.

Giggleroflolmao

2009-07-11T02:41:00.000+08:00

I miss you.

I'M REALLY MISSING YOU WTF.

One drop; two drops.. The rain crashes down, and washes my sins away

2009-07-07T19:01:00.002+08:00

On a day when I saw my emotions reflected in the skies above, I lost a part of myself.
- 7:14pm, 07/07/2009.

I sign off here today, leaving you with a new song- 'Lucky', by Jason Mraz and Colbie Caillat.

Hi.

2009-06-25T18:52:00.003+08:00

I would like to advise that the following picture is totally not what it looks like in real life.

Maybe I should start taking bad photos so people won't go omg he's actually so ugly when they see me in reality.

I present to you...

2009-06-24T17:55:00.002+08:00

Ryan nerd rage tantrum + lishan&darryl high on crack.

All the small things.

2009-06-21T13:47:00.003+08:00

Be it when i'm listening to songs, watching the kids at the park laugh with their parents, or simply enjoying the cool evening breeze washing over me, I realise i'm always reflecting. Reflecting and thinking about myself, my friends, my family.

It's not often a fun thing to do, given the kind of person I am. It both gets me emotional and cheers me up, both at the same time- it reminds me over and over again that i'm a very lucky boy. I could have been born into the world with 1 or no parents at all (granted, it's almost like 1 sometimes), or into an environment where I wouldn't be accepted for who I am, or worse, grown up to be a man devoid of compassion and kindness. I may be conceited, but I know who I am.

Catherine recently kindly pointed out to me that i'm single, and that despite my claims, i'm really not trying hard enough to be trying. Thank you, dear cousin, you kind of hit the nail on the head. I was thinking about this the other night, and it struck me that I could after all, be afraid of commitment (MY FACEBOOK QUIZ SAYS SO!). But in all seriousness, am I really? I thought that i'd be ready for any relationship that may come my way, but now that i've realised this, i'm not so sure.

I think i'll take up Su Yi's offer on cheerleading. After all, if I don't take that first step, nothing's going to change at all. And i'll hate myself for not trying.

Anything you've realised about yourself lately, dear reader?

Credits to RedKinoko for FF.net.

2009-06-08T19:52:00.004+08:00

Slice-of-life short stories(<-- Click on it!) related to Ragnarok Online.

"In my opinion, this has got to be the most profound chain-email that I have ever recieved since I first opened an email account six years ago." - RedKinoko.

When knots are undone in your chest, more often than not you'd want to preserve the reason for it in your mind. This is one of my ways of doing it.

A Reason, A Season, A Lifetime by Brian Andrew Chalker

People always come into your life for a reason, a season, and a lifetime. When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do.

When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly.

They have come to assist you through a difficulty, or to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or even spiritually.

They may seem like a godsend to you, and they are. They are there for the reason, you need them to be.

Then, without any wrongdoing on your part, or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.

Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up or out and force you to take a stand.

What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.

The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

When people come into your life for a SEASON, it is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn.

They bring you an experience of peace, or make you laugh.

They may teach you something you have never done.

They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.

Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season. And like Spring turns to Summer and Summer to Fall, the season eventually ends.

LIFETIME relationships teach you a lifetime of lessons; those things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.

Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person / people (anyway); and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.

It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

Thank you for being a part of my life.

________________________________________________________________

Catherine baked me a cake. She's so awesome huh? ;D.

Love you much! I loved it ^^v.

Maaaaaah?!?!

2009-05-25T03:59:00.001+08:00

Here I sit, in my run-down room littered with empty green tea bottles, staring at the screen, bed to the side, unmade; eyes bloodshot red, unsleeping.

Insomnia isn't fun.

Sorry mum.

2009-05-15T14:24:00.002+08:00

I feel kind of bad that I called you at 5am in the morning the other day, because I was feeling like absolute shit. But thanks for talking to me. I appreciate it, I love you!

Anyways.

But here I am, feeling those same feelings starting to resurface. It's not fun, I assure you. I don't even know why i'm feeling like this, and that's the worst part of it. Am I lonely? Is this new lifestyle of having no one close in person around me to confide in, taking a toll on me? Am I homesick? Am I suffering from a low in confidence levels? Meh. Dinner soon, laters.

And no Catherine, you're not telling her about this blog.

Little by little, inch by inch, I find myself being forced to my knees- slowly, and once again, I find myself starting to pray..

Wtf ryan! Pangsai pun bo eng!

2009-05-14T16:41:00.003+08:00

And he sounded happy about it! Shit also got time to laptop! o-o;;;;;

Shock, hurt, despair, calm, realization, joy.

2009-05-13T11:04:00.005+08:00

When He lets you out of your mental prison of psychological torment, you look up and say thank you.

It is only then, that you come to realise the prison doors were never locked to begin with.

Suzuka.

2009-04-29T01:07:00.006+08:00

Mm. Why is it, that I feel so useless after reading this =)..

The name of the manga, is Suzuka. You can find it here : http://www.onemanga.com/Suzuka/

* * * Spoiler from here on.* * *

I spent the majority of my past 2 days reading it. The conclusion of the story, somewhat unexpected, given the way the story was going in the beginning.

In my opinion, it's a nice depiction of how fast things can fade in an instant, and how far and how, you, are willing to give up whatever you have and go, to salvage whatever is worth living for. In addition to that, I also think it has an underlying message of how love of someone or something can manifest itself in an individual, and live on in his/her veins as a symbolism of loyalty, faith, and the fact that true love in itself is undying, in this case, Yamato and running.

Anyway, back on track. Occurences like these, are not uncommon in reality. "Suzuka" gives us an insight, however small it may be, into the hardships that may be faced by individuals like them; how they deal with such rapid changes from the lives they had before; how your life can spiral deep down into the abyss from heaven on earth itself. But bliss exists everywhere, as you only have to believe in it for it to show up. The only question poised: are you willing to carry yourself with confidence when that spiral begins to pull you in?

I came to realise many things, as I was reading through "Suzuka". But in my opinion, the most important one of them all, that I have heard repeatedly for a long time, but never really pondered it's meaning is that- it doesn't matter what others think are important, or what others are happy doing; at the end of the day, like the concluding chapter of a novel, or the first blooming flowerbud at the end of winter, it's what's important to yourself, and what makes you happy, that is worth more than your life, your world and your future all put together.

Maybe it's just what these stories are for. Fabricated, dramatized, and then simply thrown onto paper to be passed on to the world.. But for what it's worth, if we learn something useful from it, then it's always a good story, isn't it? ^^v.

Sometimes I wonder..

2009-04-25T14:38:00.002+08:00

.. if this is the end finally,

.. if i'll pull through eventually,

.. if the wounds will ever close,

.. if i'm able to hold back from crying out to you..

I got the message..

2009-04-25T12:19:00.003+08:00

.. but I won't reply. I'm glad you sent it..

Everyday I die on the inside a little more. It's sickening, the way I feel my heart clench everytime my phone buzzes, everytime I hear a message coming in on messenger.

We will talk again, so just, let go of me for now..

"My love for you is like a beautiful wound." -SS501

Sigh.

2009-04-23T18:46:00.003+08:00

Maybe you'll see this, yet maybe you won't.

But please know that you've hurt a lot of people.

Things just don't work this way.

Please, learn to love.

Learn that there can only be ONE significant other.

Please, please..

Don't make me have cut myself in vain. I just guess you never loved me to begin with.

MotD

2009-04-23T11:42:00.003+08:00

What hurts more than a broken heart?

Betrayal of trust,

when,

you LEAST,

expect it.

"All the lies between us; all the lies between you, and me. " - Pictures Of You by The Last Goodnight.

New skin!

2009-04-21T22:51:00.002+08:00

Gone are the dark days of the blog that belongs to Alvin!

New chapter of life; new look of blog! It comes hand-in-hand ;D.

Mooooo.

2009-04-21T21:17:00.002+08:00

You asked him why he loves you.

He said he loves you, because you, are who you are; he loves you for who you are.

He loves your smile, the smell of your hair, the way you pout when you get jealous- small little examples of the many reasons why.

Simplified back to square one, he loves you.

A smile, a giggle, now, why do you love him?

Thank you..

2009-04-12T14:43:00.002+08:00

Sometimes it’s hard, we feel tired, fight occasionally, feel hatred
But know this, believe that you are the only one
You’re wonderful, you're so amazing

Big Bang- Wonderful

Back to the beginning.

2009-04-08T22:29:00.000+08:00

Back to that little little white room.

I miss you.

2009-04-03T22:50:00.004+08:00

... and my eyes keep scouring for a glimpse of you, even in places where I know you'd never be at.

The memories keep flowing back to that little white room only known to us.

I miss you.

Blog's back open to general audience.

Marriage age?!

2009-03-17T21:52:00.001+08:00

Put an X in every box that applies to you.

Add up all the x`s and title subject with the sum as "My marriage age is__"
[x] You know how to make a pot of coffee
[] You keep track of dates using a calendar
[ ] You own more than one credit card
[x] You know how to change the oil in a car
[x] You do your own laundry
[ ] You vote every election
[x] You can cook for yourself
[ ] You think politics are exciting
[ ] You balance your own checkbook.
[] Your parents have better things to say than your friends
Total: 4

[ ] You show up for school/college/work every day early.
[ ] You always carry a pen in your pocket/purse
[x] You've never gotten a detention
[x] You have never smoked a cigarette
[x] You have never gotten completely trashed
[x] You have forgotten your own birthday at least once
[x] You like to take walks by yourself
[x] You've watched talk shows.
[x] You know what 'credibility' means without looking it up
[ ] You drink coffee[caffeine] at least once a week.
Total: 11

[x] You know how to do the dishes.
[x] You can count to 10 in another language.
[ ] When you say you're going to do something you do it.
[x] My parents trust me. sometimes
[x] You can mow the lawn
[x] You can make adults laugh without being stupid
[ ] You remember to water the plants
[x] You study when you have to.
[x] You pay attention at school/college
[ ] You remember to feed your pets
Total: 18

[x] You can spell 'experience' without looking it up.
[ ] You work out on a regular basis.
[x] You clean up your own mess
[ ] The people at Starbucks know you by name
[x] Your favorite kind of food is take out
[x] You have gained weight since middle/high school
[ ] The first thing you do when you wake up is get caffeine.
[ ] You can go to the store without getting something you don't need
[ ] You understand political jokes the first time they are said
[x] You can type quickly
Total: 23

[ ] You have realized that the weather forecast changes every hour.
[ ] Your only friends are from your place of employment
[ ] You have been to a Tupperware party.
[x] You have realized that no one will take you seriously unless you are over the age of 25 and have a job.
[ ] You have more bills than you can pay
[ ] Most of all your friends are older than you are
[x] You can say no to staying out all night
[x] You use the internet every day
[ ] Your wardrobe hasn't changed in a while
[x] You can read a book and actually finish it
Total: 27

Total --- 27 :o

Rants!

2009-03-05T22:23:00.002+08:00

Meep! SO. I, find myself back, in the land, in the city, in the town, that I thought I wouldn't be setting my eyes on again for the next 1 year at least. No no, it's not a bad thing, not a bad thing at all! But I guess I found myself kind of lost for the first day or two, because I don't think I was prepared for it well. At least, not for a broken foot, hobbling around on crutches to find bloody housing. My armpits and biceps were so bruised and worn I couldn't use my crutches the next day! <3 Charlene for being so accomodating though, love you lots! :D:D.

Anyways! I typed this part out but it is gone for some reason. Recap! I chose a place at Maroubra! I figured since it's close to Charlene's, I'd be able to get help easily with anything that, I might need help with! There's also a ton of shops that, to be honest, are bloody convienient for myself! There's Coles(local supermarket), Chinese grocery store, newsagency(7-11 kinda), fruit salad bar (<3), bakery, pillowshop, CHINESE TAKEAWAY (<3<3<3<3<3), fish market, FITNESSFIRST(IM GETTING SLIMMER :D:D)?! etc etc. The best part is, these shops are only a stone's throw away from where I live, which is only on the adjacent street! It's like walking from Jusco 2nd floor to Charms, for you Malaysians.

Regarding my room, it's furnished well enough for someone like be, with basic needs! Let's see, there's a bed, provided bedsheets and blankets(I brought my own, cool huh), study table, cupboard, chairs, and, chairs, and, chairs.. Uh, I had to get the rest! Like my table lamp and stand fan(ninja-ed from Cherrybrook), I also got a host of other things, like pillows, emergency water and food, like instant soup, Charlene's cupcakes and brownies, energy bars, LIPTON TEABAGS <3<3<3, cornflakes, milk, and more! I also managed to get myself a dustbin, a laundry basket, and tissue boxes!

Guess what, I also used the shopping bags as dustbin plastic bags, save monies! I'm so smart eh?! Ahahahahahaha! .. Doh >_>;. Bet anyone woulda figured to use the bags that way anyways. *Cry*

I thought Uni would have started on the 2nd of March, but n0o0o0, it starts on the 9th of March! Hence I find myself with an extra week of holiday (WoW), which I appreciate lots, as I can take a little more time to rest and get attuned to my surroundings once again. From now on, I solemnly swear that I will return everyweek to [steal Catherine's chewing gum] help my darling cousin Catherine with any homework that she might need help with! And also tapao food. And lend Kenny's fast internet. And eat homecooked food. And sleep on my familiar bed. ANYWAYS you get the point i'm sure!

I've been, kind of struggling with myself for the past week. I've been starting to wonder, because i've been feeling kind of weird, almost as if i'm missing something in my life. Maybe it's just me thinking that life needn't have to be so simple. Then again, I can be quite a simple person when it comes to my needs and wants. I'll take it in my stride. What way better to find out than finding it out and dealing it when it hits you? :D. That way it's fun see.

I miss you guys, all of you, both family and friends.

I really do. ;x

Taggie <3

2009-03-03T08:04:00.002+08:00

If you can survive to more than 60%, you're pretty far up along the percentile rankings. Yeah, that's like a D-/F borderline, but hell, this isn't about getting as much as possible. It's about discovering your inner Asian self. And no, you don't need to get at least a 90%, because you parents won't be seeing the score and this won't be counted towards or against your grades.

[x] Both of your parents are from Asia
[x] You were born in Asia
[] You use the term "Azn"
[ ] You think DDR is cool
[x You watch anime
[x] You like Korean drama
[ ] You have stuff hanging on your phone
[ ] Your parents want you to marry within your own race
[x] You eat rice almost everyday
[x] You drink lemon tea

X's so far: 6/10

[x] You style your hair (heart Gatsby)
[x] You have a xanga/bebo/myspace/friends

ter
[x] You speak languages other than English
[x] Your parents are strict compared to other REALLY asian parents
[x] Your parents have high expectations of you
[] You always get A's/B's on your report
[x] You do Chemistry/Biology/Physics/Accounting (is it OR or AND?)
[x] You know your multiplication table
[x] You play badminton or table tennis
[x] You've seen the asian version The ring/The grudge

X's so far: 15/20

[x] You go/want to go to a university and would NEVER consider an apprenticeship
[x] You own an asian car (Honda, Toyota, etc)
[ ] You're not the only child
[x] You've gotten little red envelopes around February ..
[x] You know the difference between kung fu, karate and tae kwon do
[x] If you're a girl, you prefer white guys over asian guys, or if you're a guy you prefer asian girls
[x] Your mother tries to bargain even though the product is already discounted
[x] You can do the rubiks cube
[x] You have a box of noodles somewhere in your house
[x] You play video games

X's so far: 24/30

[x] Everytime you're going out your parents ask you where you're going and what time you'll be home
[x] You have karaoke at home
[x] You have have heard of BoA, Gazette, Ayumi Hamasaki, Gackt, Jay Chou, Twins, or DBSK
[x] You've been to a LAN more than 3 times ..
[x] You have incense sticks/moth balls in your house
[x] You own a gaming console
[x] You play a musical instrument
[x] You don't wear shoes in your house
[x] You can use chopsticks well
[x] You get nothing if you do well in school

X's so far: 34/40

[x] Your parents won't let you go out if you have school the next day
[x] You have asian songs on your computer/iPod
[] You don't like football (soccer or football?)
[x] You have/had a curfew
[] You know what ulzzang/tb means
[] You know what purikura is
[x] You like bubble tea
[x] Your parents bought you shoes many sizes too big so you can "grow into it" and wear it for years to come
[x] You've played final fantasy
[x] You believe in fortune cookies

X's so far: 41/50

[x] You know what bok choy is
[] You've heard the song "Got rice?"
[x] You have/had a tutor
[] You've had pockys/yan yan before
[x] When you seek for your mother's permission she replies "Ask your dad"
[x] You like to save things in case you need them later, even if you never use it
[x] You have tasted durian
[x] You hope to be employed in something practical, like medicine, law, accounting, or engineering
[] You have eaten dog or snake
[] Everyone thinks you're at least a year younger than you actually are

X's so far: 47/60

[x] You call your adult family friends "Auntie" or "Uncle"
[x] You have or have had a bowl cut
[x] Your parents enjoy(ed) comparing you to their friends' kids
[] You eat everything with chopsticks
[] You hang/hung your clothes out to dry on a line attached to the window of your flat and the window across from yours
[] You are applying to an ivy league college
[x] Your parents or relatives have tried setting you up with someone
[x] You eat for breakfast what is considered food unfit for breakfast
[x] You scored higher on the math than you did on the verbal on the SAT(VCE?)
[x] You always cheer for the Asian athlete on TV

X's so far: 54/70

[x] You love shopping at ~~Costco~~Safeway/Big W (LOL) because everything's cheaper when buying in bulk, even if you don't need so much
[x] You buy rice in 50lb sacks at least
[x] You have had to wear hand-me-downs
[x] You get two of the same thing but one is better because it's free
[] You fight for the bill because of face, even though you don't actually want to pay for such an expensive meal
[x] You make things yourself because it's cheaper, even though it takes more time
[] You own a huge butcher knife but it's actually called a "vegetable knife" (Wtf is the dif?! ==)
[x] You own a lot of Tommy Hilfiger or Calvin Klein
[x] You can down cups of tea like water and not feel the caffeine effects because you're used to it
[x] You love hot pot

X's so far: 60/80

[x] You make your rice without butter, spices, or salts
[x] Your parents are especially loud on the phone
[] You always take home the leftovers from a restaurant
[x] You try to coerce others into taking the leftovers if you're eating with company
[] You give fruits as gifts
[x] You will waste extra gas to find cheaper gas/other things
[x] You are smaller in size compared to the Caucasian population
[x] You have relatives in Canada
[] The number 8 is an extremely lucky and important number to you
[] The number 4 is an extremely unlucky number to you

X's so far: 66/90

[x] Every big event revolves around food
[x] You have gotten used to the smells of herbal medicines
[] You are stick thin and want to keep it that way
[x] You try to save money on everything you buy
[x] You eat a lot but it doesn't add much to your weight (I wish IMAO)
[] You care a lot about staying in fashion with the rest of Asia
[x] School is always the number one priority in your family
[x] You care a lot about honor and saving face
[x] Your parents expect you to do everything right
[x] You mix languages up constantly while thinking and speaking

X's so far: 74/100

Lol.

Takin' the U-turn.

2009-01-23T01:33:00.002+08:00

Few things.

She had skin cancer, and still has bipolar.
I realise I love her too much to leave her alone.
Carefactorzero that she's really ill.
I'll still love her and ask her out again.

Whoever said your girlfriend had to be perfect?
-She'll always be perfect when you're together.

SIGH.

2008-12-17T08:44:00.001+08:00

High 70's and a 95. The future looks fucking bleak lol. Wonder if i'll get into uni, at this rate. If I fail to get into uni.. :\.

Taggie#2

2008-12-16T23:03:00.002+08:00

I don't have the courage to update my blog with truth, hence I will do a tag ;p.

Tag from Ying.

1. Do you have secrets?
Lots.

2. Would you fall in love with a boy/girl younger than you?
Boy to girl is ok! ;p. 2 years younger max.

3. What would you do with a billion dollars?
I REFUSE TO ANSWER.

4. Do you enjoy going to college?
Hell that's over. Now I wanna fucking get into uni T-T;;;

5. Will you fall in love with your best friend?
From now on? No.

6. Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone?
Being loved. Honestly.

7. List 5 favourite movies...
- LOTR
- Ironman
- Constantine. Keanu Reeves <3
- The Lake House.
- GrumpyOldMen! ;p

8. If the person you secretly like is attached, what would you do?
I can't do nuts lol.

9. List 5 favourite TV shows...
-Family Guy
-Simpsons
-
-
-

10. Do you have any regrets?
Too many to be good.

11. How would you see yourself in 10 years time?
Hopefully, happy.

12. Who is the most important person to you?
Mum+friends.

13. What kind of person do you think the person that tagged you is?
Kind person with a heart of... Steel. She whacks people D:

14. Would you rather be single but rich or married but poor?
If the marriage is good? Married and poor.

15. What is your favourite color?
Red,blue.

16. Would you give all in a relationship?
Most of the time.

17. If you fall in love with 2 persons simultaneously, who would you choose?
Hard to do this.

18. What are top 5 on your "to-go" list?
Never think of it.

19. Name 3 things you would like to do but would not be able to do...
- Abs..
- Find a girlfriend in 1 year.
- Quit WoW

20. People I wanna tag...
You guys who read this ^^

Tag.

2008-12-16T22:41:00.002+08:00

Tagged by Ying.

1. The rules of the game get posted at the beginning.

2. Each player answers the questions about themselves.

3. At the end of the post the player then tags 5 people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves a comment, letting them know they got tagged and to ask them to play and read your blog.

Starting time : 10:43 PM

Name : Alvin!

Sisters : 0

Brothers : 0

Shoe size : 11

Height : 180cm

Where do you live : Bandar Utama

Favourite drinks : Teh Tarik Ais!

Favourite breakfast : Scrambled eggs, sausages, and buttered peas :D.

Have you ever been on a plane : Yes

Swam in the ocean : Course.

Fallen asleep in school : Much times.

Broken someones heart : Yeah. Sadly to say.

Fell off your chair : Induced by another? Yeah, lmao.

Sat by the phone all night waiting for someone to call : Close, but no LOL.

Saved e-mails : Yes

What is your room like : Average guy's bedroom.

What's right beside you : Guitar.

What is the last thing you ate : Self-cooked fried rice!

Ever had chicken pox : Yes

Sore throat : Frequent.

Stitches : Naw

Broken nose : Naw

Do you believe in love at first sight : It happens.

Like picnics : Uh huh! ^_^v

Who was the last person you danced with : Cough.

Last made you smile : Kitty.

You last yelled at : Ying. I'm sorryyyyy T-T;.

Talk to someone you like : Yuppers.

Kissed anyone : Naw.

Get sick : Yes.

Talked to an ex : Yeah.

Miss someone : Lots.

Do you sleep with stuffed animals : Naw. BUT IF BY ANIMAL YOU MEAN BOLSTER..

What's under your bed : Luggage bag.

Who do you really hate : No one really. I try to be nice as much as I can.

What time is it now : 10:49PM

RANDOMS

Q :Is there a person who is on your mind right now : Yeah. Wanna take a guess?

Q : Do you have any siblings : Naw.

Q : Do you want children : Oh definitely.

Q : Do you smile often : Yup.

Q : Do you like your hand-writing : I like it. Others don't though. ROFL.

Q : Are your toenails painted : Gay.

Q : Whose bed other than yours would you rather sleep in : Loved ones. Scent remains ;)

Q : What colour shirt are you wearing : White.

Q : What were you doing at 7:00pm yesterday : Laughing at Yingling breaking her chopsticks.

Q : I can't wait to : Feel loved.

Q : When did you cry last : Stress period, 2 months ago.

Q : Are you a friendly person: I try.

Q : Do you have any pets : Bobby :D

Q : Where is the person you have feelings for right now : Where? Iono, you'd have to ask her right? ;o.

Q : Did the last person you held hands with you mean anything to you now? : Oh fuck no. Hahahaha

Q : Do you sleep with the TV on? : Naw.

Q : What are you doing right now? : Thinking. ^^v

Q : Have you ever crawled through a window? : LOL yeah.

Q : Can you handle the truth? : More often than not? Takes me a while.

Q : Are you closer to your mother or father? : Mum.

Q : Who was the last person you cried in front of? : Mum.

Q : How many people can you say you've really loved? : Outside of family. 3. Assuming this is present tense included.

Q : Do you eat healthy? : Sometimes.

Q : Do you still have pictures of you & your ex?: Yes, sadly to say.

Q : Have you ever cried because of something someone said to you? : Uhm, no, not that I can recall of.

Q: How often do you go to church? : I don't go to church. ~_~

Q : If you're having a bad day, who are you most likely to go to? : Few people.

Q : Are you loud or quiet most of the time? : Somewhere in between.

Q : Are you confident?: Totally, not.

THINGS YOU DID 10 YEARS AGO.
1. MUMMY I DONT WANT TO GO TO SCHOOL!

THINGS ON MY TO DO LIST TODAY.
1. Sleep.
2. Think.
3. Miss.

5 SNACKS I ENJOY.
1. Chips!
2. Chocs.
3. ECLIPSES.
4. Nuggets.
5. *censor*

5 THINGS I WOULD DO IF I WERE A BILLIONAIRE
1. I refuse to answer this, done so too many times. Exists in dreams only.

5 PLACES I HAVE LIVED IN
1. BU
2. SS1
3. TTDI
4. Hotels.
5. Cherrybrook.

5 JOBS I HAVE HAD
1. Student
2. Friend
3. Son
4. Bestie
5. Grandson

5 PEOPLE I TAG
I think only 5 people come here so ;p.

:]

2008-12-05T15:18:00.002+08:00

I think too much don't I. I shouldn't be complaining really. There are much more unfortunate people out there than I am. I should learn to deal with stuff like this as well as I can ^_^v.

I shouldn't be gloomy.
I should cheer up more often.
I shouldn't uh, wear my heart on my sleeve? I think that's the phrase ;o.
I should start trying to realise my dreams instead of just, dreaming.
I shouldn't be inconsiderate and selfish.
I should start trying to see things from other people's perspective.
I shouldn't let my addictions go on.
I should strike a good balance between play, love, and work.

I want to be a better person? :D. Resolutions set!

Hope all will be fine. ;o

[][][][][][][][]

2008-12-05T05:00:00.000+08:00

What would she have said?

#

2008-12-05T04:50:00.000+08:00

Useless, aren't I. Going sleepless over stupid things like this.

Someone needs to teach me how to grow up.

I can't go on like this.

Life beckons.

;o

2008-12-05T04:45:00.001+08:00

Why..

I love you.

I'm not talking to you.

2008-11-14T11:22:00.003+08:00

iloveyouimissyouiwantyouimissyou
iloveyouimissyouiwantyouimissyou
iloveyouimissyouiwantyouiloveyou
imissyouiwantyouimissyouiloveyou
imissyouiwantyouimissyouiloveyou
imissyouiwantyouiloveyouimissyou
iwantyouimissyouiloveyouimissyou
iwantyouimissyouiloveyouimissyou
iwantyouiloveyouimissyouimissyou
iwantyouimissyouiloveyouimissyou
iloveyouimissyouiwantyouimissyou
iloveyouimissyouiwantyouimissyou
iwantyouimissyouiloveyouiwantyou
imissyouiloveyouiwantyouimissyou
iloveyouimissyouiwantyouimissyou

Its driving me sick that i can't talk to you. I want to heal from this, I wish time would fly when I really need it to.

3rd post in 24 hours.

2008-11-10T21:27:00.002+08:00

Bitch. Why the fuck has she done this to me? My mind's tainted with memories of her and I, unerasable, unforgettable. I love her. I miss her. I have to admit it, its hurt, more than anything i've experienced before. I'm lost. I wish I was a machine. Emotionless, never happy, yet never sad either. I find myself sending silent prayers to some imaginary higher order, willing the pain to pass, without relief.

Fortunately, answers are imminent, it seems I wasn't the guy from the start. A replacement? A temporary, replacement? Why bother telling me back then that you loved me? Why snag me in a net and caress my heart, if you're going to crush it in the end? What is love to you? A toy, subject of amusement, fun, hobby? I try to let it out, but I remain passive on the outside, yet splintering on the inside.

What does the future hold for me? Why is there reason to continue loving when such things happen to me when i'm willing to love? What am I doing? Some people think I only think of love and love alone. Some think that I don't bother with my studies. Some think I am all play without a shred of seriousness within me. Do I still call you friends now? I'm not an angel, I can't give without some wants of my own. I just want to be happy.

Matters in this department have never been good for me. It makes me start to wonder whether nice girls are a dying race. I'm very sure most of you would disagree with me, but I can't see the light- it doesn't shine on me, not on my dark spot. I don't want to love anymore. I really don't. But Alvin won't let me.

Save me..

Post#2 in 12 hours.

2008-11-10T12:31:00.008+08:00

I'm feeling a little better today, thanks to Danil and MsHoo, thank you for talking me through it, and your encouragement. I guess this is how the people in this world function nowadays, and I'm powerless to help it. I guess I, quote MsHoo, "... gave my love to the wrong girl". Now, I don't want anything to do with Genevieve anymore, I want her out of my life, as much as I still love her as much as before. I think I've finally got to put myself first.

Well, on to more cheery, or rather less depressing things I guess! Overdue pictures and screenshots, for WoW-esque fans, well-wishers, friends going to be left behind, eclipse addictions, and love. Thanks to Jacky for the graduation pix.

a

Hurt.

2008-11-10T00:06:00.002+08:00

I've changed my skin, i've invited certain people to my blog. I don't know. The past few days have passed in a blur for me. So quick. The single thing I can pick out from these few days is that I am finally, truly, clearly, heartbroken.

I don't know. What was the wait worth? Several days over one year of patient waiting, albeit with the ups and downs along the way, all for what? To discover that, she's fallen for another since months before today? I believe she's not such a person, she has a heart. But then again, I am contradicting myself, aren't I? I'm in denial? Maybe I am. All the happy times that we've enjoyed, the tough times that we'd been through, thrown away in the blink of an eye. All of it comes together, and really makes me wonder if i'm a replacement after all. Whether I was blind to the greater picture, to what Genevieve truly is. I still love her, I do not deny that. Maybe it is because of the illusion of an angel that I fail to spot the devil, and having said that, I still cannot comprehend how this has happened to me. Quote Nic, "You're too nice Alvin". Is it now my turn to scorn myself for being who I really am? Is it my fate, to be taken advantage of, time and time again, by people whom I pretend or truly fall in love with? Knowing this though, you make ask why do I keep soldiering on, in spite of the knowledge i'm going to get terribly hurt emotionally along the way? I guess it's just what makes me Alvin. Nic would say i'm stupid. I don't blame her for it, I am stupid. Ying will have no comment. Danil would probably wait for me to finish being emo before he talks to me. Yling, I miss. And several others of you. (I still love you guys regardless.) I guess I am silly. Naive. Innocent. Whatever you want to call it. I can't fucking help it. If there was a time when I really wanted to be somebody else, it's now.

The lad is from Singapore. He trolled my msn using her MSN account before. I woke up in the morning, finding none-too-pleasant messages scrawled on the chat window, with time of message sent being from 3.43am to 4.15 am, thereabouts. What they were doing at that time of the day, I'll leave it to your imagination. What are we looking at? Where do I belong now? Quote Kat, "I think I'm gonna give up on these feelings as a whole". Love has always been dissapointing for me, and I don't forsee it changing anytime soon.

Did you know it was because of her that I got addicted to Eclipses? Did you know that I probably would not have found my way about Sydney if it wasn't for her? I'm useless, and it's only just given me a slap in the face. I want to dissociate myself from anything that has to do with her, lest they serve as reminders and chains to the pain that is heartbreak. I'll work on my Eclipse addiction, I don't think teddy bears are cute gifts anymore, I wanted to throw the bracelet away, but I can't find it anymore. As I look around my room at the walls slowly baring itself with the way i've personalized it, I realise that I'm also leaving a part of me behind here, in Sydney. I'll start anew in Melbourne, or anywhere else, when the time comes. The extras are packed away in boxes and bags, put away in cupboards and storerooms. I'll also be moving into a different bedroom when I get home. Most of my shirts will remain here in Sydney for later collection. I feel like i'm losing something. My moustache and beard is running unkempt, my hair is uncombed. I see bits and pieced of paper on the once clean carpet. The stand that was once draped with towels, ties, belts, clothing, now stands stripped in the corner. My bookrack is devoid of what used to bend its racks. What other changes lie in wait for me when I get home? Who am I going to be?

There is so much more to say, so much more to do, so much more to think about. It is all, however, reduced to blurs by the swirling vortex of emotions that is the tightness within my chest. As I agonisingly wait for the sun to rise on the horizon, I can only sit in front of my laptop and stare, with her voice still ringing in my ears, and her image burnt into my mind's eye.

I'm hopeless, friends.

...

2008-10-22T21:33:00.002+08:00

Look. Let's get something straight. I don't know what the FUCK you are trying to do, but I'll let YOU know that I DON'T like it. IF it's about that, put it on the fucking table, we'll talk about the fucking problem, come up with a fucking compromise, I'll let you know what I think, and I'll walk away, myself. Stop being selfish, stop making bloody decisions on your own, learn basic courtesy and respect please.

World > you? I think not. Piss off.

Taggie.

2008-10-19T21:06:00.004+08:00

Ryan's tag!

1. What is the relationship of you and him/her?
Somewhere in between ;o

2. Your 5 impressions towards him/her.
1) Dignity
2) Humble attitude
3) Beacon of happiness
4) Caring
5) Willing to help ;]

3. The most memorable things that she/he had done for you.
Made 4 pages of notes for me when I was sick T-T

4. The most memorable things she/he have said to you.
'I love you too' ;o

5. If she/he becomes your lover, you will...
Learn to truly appreciate her this time round.

6. If she/he becomes your enemy, you will...
Sigh, and try to talk things over.

7.If she/he becomes your lover, what does she/he has to improve on?
Telling me her motives for certain actions ;].

8. If she/he becomes your enemy, the reason is...
'Tis a stupid question.

9. The most desirable thing to do on him/her is?
No comment.

10. The overall impression of him/her is...
Angel ^___^v

11. How do you think the people around you will feel about you?
If I get her? Happy. LMAO so self-conceited. Ish ><

12. The character of you for yourself is?
Laaaaazy and mild ADD.

13. On the contrary, the character you hate of yourself is?
What I am, but I just have to deal with it ey? ;]

14. The most ideal person you want to be is..
Truthfully enough, there is no limit and no boundaries to the perfect person that we may want to be. It always changes!

15. For the people who care about and likes you, say something about them.
Mhm. I can only choose one. Please understand that thus far, that choice has been made, and I don't intend to change it, not that I could.

WHO SAID YOU HAD TO HAVE ONE RYAN? :P.
Proof : #7

Beginning of the end.

2008-10-16T17:31:00.004+08:00

A big big big hello to all of you!

Well guys. I thought i'd just let you guys know:

Tomorrow my exams start. University entrance will be dependant on this final exam, which counts for roughly 50% of the final mark, and my performance in school throughout the year. The exam lasts for 3 weeks, finishes on the 6th of November. After an additional 1 more week, I will be taking a flight home to Malaysia.

What's been bugging me these few days is, what if I don't make it? You know, what if I don't achieve the required marks, to be able to get myself into the courses that I want to be participating in? I hate to dissapoint, I hate to not meet expectations. I've been struggling with the question of what drives me, and what motivates me to do better, and I've realised its all because I don't want to dissapoint, and not that I have a particular goal to achieve. A particular Miss Anonymous told me not to be ashamed of being emotional, and I suppose not being ashamed of myself comes with it as well. I'd like to thank you, for being such a good friend in times where I needed one, ily ;p. Of course this doesn't discount all of you who've helped me. But just for the one who's stuck around long enough, the special thanks is for you.

Ionno about whether i'll make it or not, but I suppose I can always try my very best. Enough with the anxiety problems and low self esteem. I'm going to try, and if I don't make it, I can still say I tried my best, in the end. If I don't make it, it's not the end of the road. I suppose I'll find another way, at the expense of a bit more time and cost.

I've found my strength in the 11th hour, I hope the charge isn't too late. I'll see you all soon!

m9(^_^v)

Small update

2008-09-23T16:19:00.001+08:00

Due to the many many requests to update..

In relation to Danil's recent MSN nickname, which baffled me,

"•li125 Has a Godmother for his future kids :D"

I have to say, what future kids? o.o;

Now leave me alone till after my exams pls. ^_^v

Reply.

2008-09-19T22:58:00.004+08:00

MOOOOOOOO.

Due to the fact my cbox is flooded, I will have to reply here >_>;

From the bottom!

li125: Yes i'm 180.

fatt: okay soon!

Darrel: Yeah funny, delusional bastard :p.

fatt/san: yeah I love the eclipses, I collect empty boxes :]

li125: At least i'll die happy, I will savor them even while choking.

fatt: happy mooncake festival to you too! :D

fallenangel: LANSI LA NOW!

Shennel: Hugs hugs hugs! DON'T CONSIDER, LINK NAOOO :D. And I wanna change this blogskin. A bit sick of it now :S

fatt: I am myself ^_^v

jialik: I'm joking la my dear. Work hard for SPM! You da best! m9(*_*d)

Unplugging.

2008-08-26T20:50:00.005+08:00

Just a quick one to unplug my mind so that my thoughts flow. I'm having a mind blank at the moment, and I have to say it's not fun at all, considering the amount of work I have to finish within the next 32 hours or so. I keep getting distracted and it's getting pretty annoying lol.

Meh. I reckon I've been playing too much WoW, and worrying over mundane occurrences over the past few days. My results for the trials have been significantly lower than what I would have liked to achieve, and that proved a pretty depressing point as well. (ESPESCIALLY WHEN NICOLE IS TURNING OUT TO BE ONE OF THE TOP STUDENTS IN VICTORIA! :p you go girl!). I can't believe how the next 6 weeks are going to seem like an eternity.

Other random instances, Yisan has finally, quote Darrel, ended her 'house arrest'(lol), and left for the UK. I'll miss you, definitely, and I'm still finding it hard coming to terms with the fact i'm not going to see you, possibly anymore, until I get to fly home during the middle of the year. But there's always MSN and the phone, and I won't be giving up on that, don't you worry! Ying's birthday has recently passed by as well, and I will bring you your present in November! I don't know when Danil's interview results are coming back, but all the best, you know I always wish that for you. My Eclipse addiction hasn't worn off yet, still going strong, 1 box every 2 day. My mum's complained my hair is losing its tough texture, which i'm secretly celebrating tonight with a new box of Eclipses. I'm just running off surface thoughts now, sorry if i've missed much.

And to you, I wish we could speak like we used to do, back when we were still innocent and ignorant. I'm suffering from motivational problems at the moment, and I think you'll know what's it about. :\. Save me, if you can.

Well, that helped ^_^b, that's all for now I guess, I'll post longer shiz once I get a breather. Ta.

ECLIPSE :

A tag.

2008-08-08T22:24:00.002+08:00

1. The rules of the game get posted at the beginning.
2. Each player answers the questions about themselves.
3. At the end of the post the player then tags 5 people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves a comment, letting them know they got tagged and to ask them to play and read your blog.

Starting time: 0025hrs

Name: Alvin

Sisters: 0

Brothers: 0

Shoe size: 11.5

Height: 180cm

Where do you live: Cherrybrook, NSW

Favourite drinks: Bubble tea! xD

Favourite breakfast: Scrambled eggs and frankfurters :B

Have you ever been on a plane?:
Aye

Swam in the ocean:
Aye :]

Fallen asleep at school:
Much. LOL

Broken someone's heart:
Yup.. :\

Fell off your chair:
Maybe :B

Sat by the phone all night waiting for someone to call:
Once or twice.

Saved emails?
Yeah.

What is your room like:
Messy and unclean X_x

What's right beside you:
Stacks of chemistry notes.

What is the last thing you ate:
A slab of Cadbury Topdeck

Ever had chicken pox:
Standard 3!

Sore throat: Lots

Stitches: Not yet.

Broken nose: Soon.

Do you believe in love at first sight:
Nope.

Like picnics:
Yah :D.

Who was, were the last person you danced with:
I will take this in the romantic context. None yet.

Last made you smile:
Genevieve.

You last yelled at:
Jobbe. That ass! :P

Today did you:
Talk to someone you like: Yup.
Kissed anyone: Mouthvirgin :<
Get sick: A little.
Miss someone: More than ever.
Eat: Heaven on Earth, sif you wouldn't eat.
Best feeling in the world: "To love and be loved in return"? XD

Do you sleep with stuffed animals:
Once upon a time..

What's under your bed:
Study books.

Who do you really hate:
I don't hate.

What time is it now?:
12:31am

Random:

Is there a person who is on your mind now:
Always.

Do you have any siblings:
-

Do you want children:
Very big yes, but definitely not at this point in time.

Do you smile often:
Half of the time. It's an improvement ;]

Do you like your hand-writing:
Yah, but my teachers don't.

Are your toe nails painted:
Nay! Gay much?

Whose bed other than yours would you rather sleep in:
Anyone who considers me a friend.

What color shirt are you wearing now:
White

What were you doing at 7:00 p.m. yesterday:
WoW. LOLZ

I can't wait till:
Nov 6th, moments of truth :\

When did you cry last:
When I failed my math exam. LoL. That, really hurt.

Are you a friendly person:
I hope I am, I try.

Do you have any pets:
Not mine, but for the house I live in, yeah. He's old but!

Where is the person you have feelings for right now?:
Several minutes walk away.

Did the last person you held hands with mean anything to you now:
Was, still, will be for a while more.

Do you sleep with the TV on?:
Not intentionally.

Have you ever crawled through a window?
Car window building window class window, quite alot.

Can you handle the truth?:
I wish I could if it ever came to me. Until then, who knows.

Are you too forgiving?
Quite :S.

Are you closer to your mother or father?:
Mum.

Who was the last person you cried in front of?
Mum.

How many people can you say you've really loved?:
Love and loved are two different things. In the context I believe this is in, all-together, two.

Do you eat healthy?:
I try. LOL.

Do you still have pictures of you & your ex?:
Hmm. A few. One. LOL

Have you ever cried because of something someone said to you?
Nope, not really. :\.

If you're having a bad day, who are you most likely to go to?
A few friends. But i'm running out of those it seems. Sorry guys.

Are you loud or quiet most of the time?
Somewhere in the middle :\

Are you confident?
No ><"

5 things I was doing 10 years ago:

1. Playing with toy soldiers.

2. Crying when I went to school.

3. Playing more badminton.

4. Excused from the musings of love.

5. Assistant monitor LOL

5 snacks I enjoy:

1. Eclipses
2. Hot chips
3. Cadbury chocolates.
4. Any type of packet chips.
5. -

5 of my bad habits:

1. Lazy.
2. Sleeping late.
3. Eating eclipses, 1 box 2 days ~_~
4. Hunchback!
5. EMO

5 places I have lived in:

1. Taman Tun
2. ss2
3. Bandar Utama
4. ss1
5. yling's hotel room

5 people I tag:

1. Nicole
2. Yisan
3. Danil
4. TaiYang
5. Khyeren

Tag

2008-07-04T19:41:00.002+08:00

Tag from a certain Ying.

8 things I'm passionate about:
1) Maths
2) Football
3) Love
4) Smoked salmon
5) Eclipse
6) WoW
7) Friends
8) Family

8 things I say too often:
1) Like
2) Bitch!
3) Fark
4) 这一个。。
5) Sup?
6) Hey baby(to guys)
7) -
8) -

8 books I've read recently:
1) The Last Gospel
2) Spiderman 3 XD
3) Collection of poems by Gwen Harwood -___-
4) Tides Of Darkness
5) Brave New World
6) Harry Pottah(Yup, reread it lulz)
7) Success Chemistry Year 12
8) -

8 songs I could listen to over and over again:
1) Fool - Big Bang
2) I'm yours - Jason Mraz
3) Lies - Big Bang
4) Somewhere Only We Know - Keane
5) My Love - Westlife
6) Liquid Dreams - O'Town
7) Please Remember - LeAnn Rimes
8) The Call - BSB

8 things I learnt for the past years:
1) I get owned when I procrastinate.
2) I should be more selfish in football (LOL).
3) Don't be a coward.
4) I can only say "I love you" when I really do mean it.
5) I live in the past.
6) Appreciate what I have rather than regret it later.
7) Truth about faithfulness.
8) I'm still childishly guillible.

8 people I tag:
1) Fatt
2) Ryan
3) YingLing
4) Yisan
5) KhyeRen
6) Nic
7) Danil
8) TaiYang

Leetle Pet Seester

2008-07-02T19:51:00.006+08:00

: My leetle seester.

Once upon a time, there lived a boy named Alvin, his rather eventful life dazzling with the unexpected *heartbreaks and legbreaks*. These added much needed spice and mystery of the unknown(thus the word 'dazzling') to his otherwise boring and mundane days. Which is, very emo. So lets talk about the nice things!

One of the things that does brighten up my day, is the presence of a close friend, or, *refer to title*, a very very close friend. However I do feel bad that I haven't been able to talk to my dearest pet sister in a considerably long time. SORRY :x. Therefore this blogpost is dedicated to her, and also to fulfil a promise to write one about her, tonight.

Back in the day, when Ying had long hair, Yisan wasn't emo, and Darrel was chubby, and Chew was a retard, we were all in the same class, taking each passing day for granted, enjoying each other's company! And most of all, being around for each other. WELL BEING HUMAN, we all have problems. Sometimes even the best of us get confused by these complications *hint hint*. Here is where my good friend comes in, and being a friend, helps me with my stuff, and keeps my mind as clear as it can be! Of course she too had her problems, and thus we would help each other out, caring, comforting, assuring. This obviously carried on, even when I was god-knows-how-many-miles away from her! Somewhere in the middle, she asked me ever so nicely whether I could be her pet brother. Aww. With puppy eyes! *points*. Anyway, how on earth could I resist?! The support she gave me is priceless, and I will appreciate it forever. She's very likable too! She's always bubbly and up for anything fun. I still remember how she used to play football, hell she played like she owned the defense. I remember the first time she went shoulder-shoulder with a striker(striker got totally owned and ate mud), sweet sweet memories. And the times when we, USED TO PLAY MAPLE. I miss those times like hell. When we were all noob and gasping about level 50! Hahahaha. I remember how she used to visit me and F2 when I was grinding at teddies. It was beautiful relaxation! And also how she loved to PQ. She would commit suicide just so she could keep doing PQ :x. And also the times when we trained her character at FOG. :B. Lovely huh? It's not all, but about as much I can fit into this winter night in Australia. (Before my mum kicks me off :x)

Well, all I want to say is, thanks for being such a friend and pillar of strength and support through the years. I love you for it, you'll always be my little sister Khye-Ren :].

is vulnerable.

2008-06-17T18:20:00.008+08:00

It is inevitable, that in our lives, not everything is going to go our way. When that happens to me, I guess I always try to shrug it off. But recently things have just seemed to get worse. I don't know whats going on anymore. Tell me, what should I do now? These 2 weeks, there have been times so bad I just couldn't laugh things off anymore. It's the feeling, when you know you're screwed for something, just that amplified, because I really really, really cared about whether I was going to get screwed or not. Helpless, weak, pathetic. Maybe it's a bout of low confidence, maybe I wasn't made for this at all?

On a brighter note, also because I don't want to think about it anymore, jerseys are here soon! :D. It happens to be the year 08, therefore we get the two big numbers 08 on our year12exclusive jerseys *steven gerrard/anderson*. Did I mention I got the 16 for my school football team? ^_^.

Cold, cold seasons. Memories of warmth(LIKE MALAYSIAN SUN) only left, to accompany me.

Notes for people :
Nic : I meant BU central park.
Danil : Potato potato! I've stopped Requiem btw, since the gaybo who asked me to play cabut.
Ryan : Yah I don't, got problem? :B. j/k.

Embarassing LOL.

2008-06-12T14:40:00.002+08:00

72 words

Speedtest

>_<; LOST TO YING BY 1!

2008-06-10T18:22:00.003+08:00

Tagged by yisan:

1.What do you want the most now?
Year 12 to be over.

2.Who is the person you trust the most?
Ying/Danil/YLing/Yisan/Nic.

3.Are you in love?
Very much so.

4.If you have a dream come true..
A day to spend with someone, where work and other commitments can be totally forgotten.

5.Do you believe in seeing a rainbow after the rain?
Yup. Everything comes and passes. *NO YISAN, RAIN IS BAAAD! >:D*

6.What's your goal for this year?
Finish Year 12 with my head held high.

7.Do you believe in eternity?
Not in life, no.

8.Have you ever broken a person's heart that he/she wanted to commit suicide?
Nope.

9.What feeling do you love the most?
Where you know that someone's just got your back, and you've got theirs.

10.What are the requirements for your other half?
Don't be a bitch. ROFL.

11.What kind of feeling do you hate the most?
Jealousy and shame.

12.Do you cherish every friendship of yours?
Why wouldn't I?

13.What do you want to do in the future?
Science related occupations.

14.What is the most important thing in your life?
Friends, family, love, success.

15. How did you feel last night?
Total crap.

16.Who do hope to be always there for you?
My "other half" :P.

17.When do you think the world will end?
When Eclipses and waffles run out of production.

18.The world ends tomorrow. What will you do?
Be happy, true happiness is eternal.

19.What do you think of the person that tagged you?
Needs fur to complete the cat-lover image ahahaha XD.

20.What do you want to know right now?
How she wrote it.

Then add 4 people in your list and list them out at the end of the post. Notify them in their chatbox that he/she has been tagged! =)

Failures to escape my attention :

1. Ying
2. Danil
3. Nic
4. *I spare khye-ren too* Taiyang

A new day! But a special one...? Nah.

2008-06-07T18:18:00.004+08:00

June the 7th! A truly historic date with many many great events(such as birthdays) under its belt! Ex-agong's birthday, Douglas's birthday, Jermin's birthday-2-day-eve, yadda yadda.

What of it!

Hmm, my mum asked me a few days ago, how I would like to celebrate my birthday. I told her I hadn't celebrated properly in the past 2-3 years. Save for posing with a cake :D. To me, it's really just another day, a normal one at that, only with a nice past event occuring on the same date, i.e my birthday. Basically, I feel that there isn't much to shout about. Thanks for all those who wished me however! I love you Malaysians :D. EVEN DANIL REMEMBERED. Jokes :B. Ying refuses to give me a present too D: . Having said all that, the fact remains that it is still.

Only a birthday.

Despite that, due to constant pestering by YOHAN, I had a small gettogether for a dinner(my treat) and karaoke (my treat) on friday, birthday eve! Pictures at the end of the post!

It was basically a last minute thing, the days before, we did the all-talk-no-action movement, just saying, "yeah lets go out", then forgetting about it all. I arrived in school in the morning, and started to plan with yohan(after skipping english to catch up on physics work, sorry Gates! >_<). We then went around trying to sweet talk Jobbe into giving us a ride to Castle Towers, the local shopping mall, as Seung Jo had economics tuition. He said no god-knows how many times, but still he did give us a ride in the end, even though he couldn't stay. :). Thanks.

Scheming villians Hand of Sharon(Yohan's girlfriend). Did you seriously think I'd do that?!

Me, Michael and Yohan ended up watching Indy-4 when we got there. We met Sarah, Kirsten and Cassie while getting our food to sneak into the cinema >:). Took a picture, then went into the dark theatre of entertainment. Indy-4 was an okay movie. Harrison Ford has a increasing-in-size belly. But I suppose that happens to everyone. He's still quite muscular after all these years. Perhaps they made him work out to shoot the movie lulz. It was funny at times, but quite nationaltreasure-ish stuff. Quite bullshit sometimes too, but otherwise, I actually thought it was quite okay. Won't go into moar detail. :P. So yeah, its bout close to 2 hours movie.

We got out after that, and Seung Jo came to pick us up for dinner at Eastwood. They suprised me with presents before that, I didn't expect any to be honest. So yeah, spent most of the time on the car listening to M C MONG, SeungJo's favorite rapper? :P, and also poking fun at each other about bachelorism(except Yohan). We parked on the wrong side of the railway track and searched for the planned restraunt. ROFL. We realised soon enough, and ate Vietnamese for dinner, WHICH WAS SO GOOD LOL.

Vietnamese Blur? :B.

Seung Jo and Alvin

Michael and Yohan

They also brought me to karaoke, which is irony in itself considering I treated them to it. :P. We destroyed people's lives, broke glassware and cracked windows that night. They made me drink 2 cans of beer, bottoms up in one breath?! For an amateur like me, it's quite hard. But I managed. :B.

All in all, I have to say thanks to them, they made it all the more worthwhile. Especially Cassie's unintended birthday present. :D. Thanks for that. I gave her a hug for it too!

Cassie and Alvin

More random pix!

Physics class.

Alvin, Yohan, Michael

Ditto, reverse.

Pretending to be Samantha
Catherine and Clare(They were posing)

For Danil's emoish sake.

2008-06-01T23:22:00.004+08:00

He said he thought it'll be nice if people did this. Thus :

10 things that you, my dear reader, might not know about me.

Alvin ...

Thinks that actions speak louder than words, but that only exists in my mind, not my bodily actions.
Thinks "what if" too much.
Is sorry to Jean, if she still visits this blog.
Has WoW as one of his pasttimes.
Is frustrated with his coach at football.
Like Danil, has recently been having dreams that he'd rather not have, but enjoys it all the same.
Misses Taiyang's passion for football.
Often makes people embarassed to have him as a friend (I think).
Has had more crushes that you thought he had.
However, has discovered what it means and what it takes to be faithful and have a strong resolve, and thus has decided that relationships have given him enough tests to his emotional capabilities- "If I don't get her back, that's that, if I do, heaven shall be knocking on my door, for me to enjoy".

Cheers, that's my update for June? ^_^V.

Nah I'll add another soon :)

Tagged by a potato.

2008-05-10T17:16:00.002+08:00

Tagged by: Danil/li125

Name 5 people you can think of right off the top of your head.Don't read the questions underneath until you write the names of all 5people.This is a lot funnier if you actually randomly list the names first..NO CHEATING

1.Danil
2.Ying
3.Nicole
4.Taiyang
5.Yingling

DONT READ AHEAD UNLESS U FILLED THE TOP
1. How did you meet 1? (Danil)
LOL. This is going to be funny. In form one. You know like how you have those orientation stuffs? Its like, I got to class first, being the nerd-wannabe that I am. Danil was approx. the 5th-8th one to come in, and he had his cap on the 'cool' way, like, back to front y'know? I was thinking like, wow, this guy's got some style, then the next thing I saw, HE HAD HIS TOP BUTTON DONE UP. Impressions cleared and rebuilt in one second. I thought this is more like it, this guy, is looking to be fun. :P. Then of course we got shuffled, and I got my seating right beside this guy here, who has gone on to be my potato and one of my closest besties. :).

2. On a scale of 1 -10 how would u rate your friendship with 1?(Danil)
9.5. He's been there for my ups and downs, being the funny idiot that he is. He's like my brother, i'd never give him up for all he's done.

3. how long have you known 4? (Taiyang)
Into our 3rd year of friendship.

4. How do you know number 3? (Nicole)
Form one, first time I chatted to her was over the phone methinks, with yingling.

5. wheres 5? (Yingling)
England, where football is THE religion :P. I'm envious.

6.A fact about number 1? (Danil)
Can beatbox well!

7.Who is 4 going out with? (Taiyang)
His roommates. Tell me bro! :D

8. What does 1 do for a living? (Danil)
Sucks up to his parents day in day out for food. ^^

9. Would you live with number 3? (Nicole)
I'd be stealing chocolate from her personal storage :P. Why not!

10. What do you like about number 2? (Ying)
Gets honest in my face when I do something wrong, in addition to sending me moar new music when I get to talk to her on MSN :D.

11. Do you miss number 5? (Yingling)
More than anything else in the world at the moment. I haven't talked to her in months? Feels like it at least.

12. Would you make out with number 4? (Taiyang)
Danil's job. Hell i'm not doing it for him D:

13. What’s your opinion of number 2? (Ying)
Friendly outgoing person, sociable, smart. LIKES PEOPLE WITH WEIRD SURNAMES XD.

14. What's your favorite memory with number 5? (Yingling)
The many many times when we would lie down in bed and chat on the phone through the nights with Nicole about random things. I was also very grateful that she managed to see me when she was in Sydney.

15. What would you do if number 1 (Danil) and 2 (Ying) were going out?
Cheer! :P.

16. Ever had a long conversation with 5? (Yingling)
930pm to 645am, I'll let you judge xD.

17. Have you ever slept at 2's house? (Ying)
Don't think she'll ever let me. Unless she holds a sleepover!

18. Do you hang out with 3 a lot? (Nicole)
If we weren't 1500km or so apart, I'd try. Hahaha.

19. Who have you known the longest?
Yingling and Danil(5&1), I got seated with them on first day of Form 1! (Group of 4)

20. How often do you talk to 1? (Danil)
Often nuff to keep things going, I wish I had moar time to talk to him.

21. What about 2? (Ying)
Whenever I can, seldom, she doesn't come online much. And well, maybe I have been taking too many things for granted with me friends. :|

22. Have you ever thought 3 more than a friend? (Nicole)
Once, for like 1 week? lol. It was bad times for me, after a break-up. I'm sorry Nic! :).

23. Would you go out for a date with 5? (Yingling)
Depends, on what kind of date this means. If its a romantic date, well. I wouldn't mind, but I just don't see those things happening between us. She's my rated-10-relationship best friend, nothing's ever going to change that. I hope to talk to her moar.

24. Do you dream about 2? (Ying)
Several times.

25. What did no 4 did to you that you can never forget? (Taiyang)
He saved my inch-perfect freekick with the tips of his fingers.

26. What have you done for 1 that the person never forget? (Danil)
Many things. One of which is popping on the lights when he was in bed with someone ^^;

27. What's 3 hobby? (Nicole)
Eating chocolate. :P

28. Who do u want to TAG?
Ying
Darrel
Nicole
Yingling
Khye-Ren
Karlshen
Taiyang
Yisan

New mentality, new layout!

2008-05-08T15:47:00.003+08:00

SO EMO RIGHT? LOLZ.

Actually its a suggestion by my dear Yisan, who presumably got sick and tired of my dark dark background :P. I thought it needed a change, so for the heck of it, mwahaha.

Anyway, my lovely cousin Catherine, has recently gotten hooked onto the new-age-Japanese-boyband-craze! Her favourite band is Alice Nine :-

Yeah. I have to admit though, that they produce some good music that i've gotten addicted to, too. Cheers to Cath. ;) Thanks for introducing me to your cool jap music :p.

*now i won't have to listen to my 5-year-no-updates cache of songs anymoar ^^*

2008-05-04T00:12:00.002+08:00

I didn't know how to start this post at first- a random rant of random things and on-goings inside this mind of mine; so I reckoned i'd do it this way. Also, be warned that the following includes idealist and romanticist themes.

Love- blossoming or decrepitly so; ravelling messes of lies and pretending building up the layers of conspiracy; peace and harmony reacheived once again; all ingredients- stuff of legends, tales, lore. The world isn't what it was before. Physical adventure has evolved into that of abstract ideas- nothing more than theories and speculation. Instead of exploring into the beyond, adventure now lies within the finer details of what makes this world. What else, apart from negativity, lies here for us, our children, our future generations? Our life?

I sit still at my desk, letting my mind stretch beyond concrete reality, feeling those emotions that I so took for granted once upon a time, feeling them; understanding them; caressing them. Fingers dance noisily upon this patterned panel, creating letters; characters; words; ultimately, meaning. The moon lights up the night sky from my window, silhouettes of trees and rooftops distinct yet full of the unknown, up the increasing gradient of the bordering hill, resembling the gods descending from heaven itself. Dogs bark, leaves rustle, the wind howls relentlessly. The clock ticks steadily, 12 minutes now, to 4 am. I'm alone.

Soon it shall be time to go, a new chapter shall be written; a new life shall be started. Waves of emotional agony course through my chest as these words appear on my screen, speculating of the could-be's. But alas, what else do we get in life? You're strong. So, so strong. Left in a mess, without direction, purpose, nor hope, you hauled me up and showed me life on its ascension. I'm afraid of the moment; the make or break. One wrong move on this chessboard of ours, and i'll be left here once again, back to square one, broken, to start the next game. If everything goes right, we'll have a future together, and I want to share my life with you. Why? I want you to know this, because I finally realised, and developed the courage to say, "because I can". Take my hand, and grasp our future, with me.

I love you. I cannot deny it. It's about time now that I stopped trying to be what I hope you'll like, but what I am myself. So close, yet so far; ego got the better of me many many times before, but I confess now that I need you. You may or may not read this, but life is such that we cannot hope too often, as we get dissapointed more often than not.

I'll be there to get you when it's over, just wait for me.

Things i'd like to set straight.

2008-04-15T20:39:00.003+08:00

Well, this update is here, half because I have some things to say, and half because certain people, NAMELY YISAN AND KREN, have asked me to update ^^V. So.

Thinking back over that past chapter in what already seems like a lifetime, especially when you try to recall everything you can remember about yourself, and others, you tend to come across certain things that you might possibly flinch at. Yup, feeling a little embarrassed by some past memories? :P. Those kind of things. Being an idealist,(Oh yeah, an answer to Alvin's test >_>!)I used to just force myself to stop thinking about these things, or try to busy myself with something else in order to cut that feeling off. But now, I guess maybe I should stop doing that.

There have been many many things that when looking back, I have been terribly embarrassed of, or ashamed about. I guess I just have to say sorry now, if I haven't already(unlikely!), to those who have been involved in certain matters. However I think I wouldn't change it if I had the chance to. It is memories like this that make who you are, and mold that unique bond that you have with someone, let it be one, or hundreds.

Grabbing Danil by the collar in Form 3 because he pissed me off, shouting at Darrel because he was being an idiot to me in Form 4, not saying something when a friend got into trouble in form 2, letting myself get pushed around by others in order not to start a fight, getting jealous of certain people just because I didn't dare make the first move, failing to stop play in the corridor as a prefect resulting in Nic getting hit by a ball, incorporating "logarithms" into Pretty Woman when Mr Chew was in class, not picking up a call from Ryan because I was feeling pissed with myself, stealing a bag of chips from mum(lol), almost starting a fight with Kendrick in Form 1, destroying Ying's house of cards even after she clearly told me to stop flicking cards in Form 4 in addition to giving her alot of hard time through the period that we've known each other, not saying much when my friends go down the smoker's path last year, making people feel embarassed, unwanted, disliked, almost hitting a teacher with a soccer ball by accident in Form 1 after returning home from camp, lying to numerous people, not doing enough nor being there for YingLing on numerous occasions for which sometimes I think I don't deserve to be her best friend, making a certain baldie and Su May cry in class in Form 1 though I didn't mean to, being mean to SueZen once in Form 1, not helping Yisan and Kren enough when they had their problems, always asking for KangSheng's help in maple and getting pissed at him when he was being a smartass to me :P, yelling at Fatt because he called me fat, sneaking out to McDonalds during school hours last year, failing to perform in 4A's football team and becoming a burden to them, costing them two games, not being nice enough to Melody in Form 3, arguing fiercely with Chew and Kok over games(wth), forgetting to call Junkit for futsal once, pissing Duar off by accident once, laughing at Taiyang about certain things that I will not reveal on this blog for privacy's sake, shouting at Jermin unintentionally after I got a call about my grandmother's death, not saying more when my parents fought with each other, getting my dad hit by a football by accident, getting my friend a nice crack on his skull(not literally) with wrestling simulation in Standard 6, again not being nice enough, this time to Jianwai, giving SueAnn a hard time, not doing enough to keep Gen, and many others like Zetty, Chiang, Yatie, Krys, Joey, Lishan, Minyong, Amir, Aiman, Kaychung, etc etc, these are just some of the few things i'm ready to admit and say sorry for. To those involved above and others who can pick out something I should be sorry for to you, you may not remember these things nor read my blog, but i'm sincerely sorry.

Life is hard enough as it is, and apparently it's going to get harder. We can expect to live long, but every tomorrow could change that in an instant. No, this isn't emo, I just want to let you know more about me(so you can pass my friend test next time with one extra mark), and we can remain friends and keep in touch for as long as we can, all of us.

Pretty long update huh? Now stop pestering me for the next half month x)

Update! :O.

2008-04-01T14:51:00.005+08:00

Hmm. I watched Yui's movie last night- Midnight Sun(Taiyou no uta), which is a Japanese love story! Link as below. Total time about 1 hour 20-40mins. It's a nice movie with beautiful song lyrics, as her character apparently loves the guitar. I won't spoil, though there is a high possiblity everyone's watched it already, but to be safe. ^^. Link as below.

http://anijunkie.com/index.php?option=com_seyret&Itemid=35&catid=239

Will save more for next time =), such as Nicole's inventions and findings that are superbly cute! Talking about that, I like this photo, though you might need to watch the movie to get it, she says :

So you think i'm gay, shoot me. >: )